Updates and rethinkings

Following is my most recent post from "Greenwood Grove," another blog I run:

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Updates in a number of areas of life today, almost six months after my last one!

Yesterday (Saturday) I performed my first act as a newly-ordained Minister in The Nature Church of York, PA, and officiated at the wedding of two friends and fellow members of said Nature Church. A number of people asked me if I was nervous, and although I responded honestly, "yes, just a little," what really surprised me was how non-nervous I actually was. It felt... natural: just a particular manifestation of my general vocation to ministry, that I am finally able to live out.

My ordination in the Nature Church, which was coming up soon already, was accelerated slightly to enable me to officiate at the marriage of Shane and Traci - itself also accelerated, so that she could have an expensive dental procedure under his insurance. I was deeply honored and thrilled to have been asked to officiate!

And yes, this does mean that I am available to officiate at other weddings in Maryland, Pennsylvania, and probably other locations as well (although thus far I've only researched the requirements in MD and PA). So if you're looking for a wedding officiant, or know someone who is, feel free to contact me... I am also available to assist at other rites of passage, and to provide general spiritual guidance. Let me know if I can be of service!

In my previous post to this blog, I basically ruled out the likelihood of attending Sterling College for their year-long program in sustainable agriculture. I hope those words are tasty, 'cause I may be eating them! There are a number of reasons for this possible re-think, although some of the reasons why I thought that (including a painful and not fully functional right shoulder) remain in place.

I am currently in the process of taking the "Fundamentals of Human Physiology" prerequisite to Tai Sophia Institute's M.S. in Herbal Medicine, and my plans had been (and "officially" - e.g., until otherwise formally altered - remain) to start that program, the first and only fully-accredited graduate-level program in clinical herbalism in the U.S., this fall.

That was before I received my financial aid award letter. The short form is, $30,000 in student loans each of the three years the program requires means graduating with a student loan debt of $90,000. I don't think I can justify doing that, given an uncertain economy (to put it mildly) and the fact that an herbal practice would require being built from the ground up, and would take several years before being really remunerative.

Consequently, Sterling College is back in the mix. Adding to my inclination in that direction is C____, who when I broached the subject to her responded "I could hit you!" and reminded me that she'd been sad when I switched focus from farming to herbs! She also liked my "secret plan" of insinuating myself into the Sterling College community in hopes of eventually landing a teaching job there.

All of this probably will not occur this year: what I would be more likely to do would be to try to find more remunerative work, even if it's not in "my field," and save up some money (if possible), as well as get my condo in shape to be put on the market. Then, depending on whether I were to start the Sterling program in the summer or fall of next year, either next spring or mid-to-late summer I'd sell this place and move to Vermont with C____.

There we'd rent (unless I could land a place for both of us on campus) while I attended classes, and simultaneously look for our new place... a place where we could farm together, run an on-farm store to include not only the produce of our land, but also books, herbs, and related goods, and perhaps also offer sustainable-living classes and spiritual retreats. Who knows, maybe even wedding packages...?

That at least is the current plan! As the saying goes, "Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans for the future!" But this at least seems like a more workable plan than spending 3 years going nearly $100K (probably very close to it, with miscellaneous expenses) in debt. And it would also push up the date at which, if we're as compatible in person as we seem to be via long-distance, we can get "hitched" ourselves, and start to think about beginning a family...

What will happen next remains to be seen, but unless something fairly miraculous happens to generate non-loan funding for Tai Sophia, it appears that my journey leads north to Vermont, in the next year or so!

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One thing is certain, and that is that I cannot continue at Cunningham Falls for much longer. Even if I were working there 40 hours/week, at $10.25/hour, it's still not enough to pay the bills. And since I'm usually working 32 hours/week, with an hour each way of commute added on to it, and taking a class, I don't have the opportunity to have a "side job." Unless I wanted to work all seven days each week, or a night shift on top of my day job! And that I simply can't do. I have enough trouble getting done all that needs to be done as it is. So I need to find something else, something more remunerative. And I hope I find it soon!

Background to my farm dreams

I have always had farming in the back of my mind. My current dream/passion/goal to have a small farm of my own took shape somewhere around 2002, plus or minus a bit, but even as a child, some of my favorite playthings were farm-related, and I used to say I wanted to be a farmer when asked what I wanted to do when I grew up. Over time, other passions and other goals took over, but the ember continued to smolder in the back of my mind – or heart – waiting for the right impetus to blow a breath upon it and cause it to burst into flame once again.

That breath was breathed by some books I happened to read on homesteading and traditional farming, and the coal was further fanned by websites (many of which are listed on this site, in the "links" section) and other resources I discovered, like ripples spreading out in a pool when you throw a rock into it. I even took a half-day workshop on draft-horse driving offered at the Carroll County Farm Museum, and have the picture to prove it! But my mother’s health was shaky, I was the last of us “kids” to be unmarried and living at home, and so as had happened before, after the accident that took Pa’s life, I put my dreams on hold to care for her.

Then came Spoutwood, in 2005, and at least I was working on a farm – even if it was all produce, with no livestock, and certainly no draft horses or oxen! I advanced rapidly to a position of some authority and considerable responsibility, peaking in 2007-2008. The loss of Ma in 2007, though heart-breaking, freed me up in some respects, but by that time I had a commitment to Spoutwood, and a position that, for the first time in my life, was paying a living wage (albeit without benefits). But then the economy caught up with me, or rather with Spoutwood, and I was first cut to half-time, and then, just a month or so ago, told that my position was being cut.

And that is a brief sketch of the events which led up to this journal entry, last week:

Thursday, August 13^th

Not every thought that recurs is a divine sending. Some are simply pipe-dreams, fantasies or visions of the way things could be, or one might want them to be, if one lived in an ideal world. But there are certain recurring thoughts which, because of their content, their context, or their timing, do seem to me very much like the Cosmos is trying to tell me something. One of those thoughts has been insistently battering away at my conscious­ness recently – okay, primarily since last night, which is not long, I admit… but this is by no means the first time for this thought. It has, as I say, been recurring, for a very long time. This is just the most recent recurrence. And it is this:

I am unemployed. Granted that I will, barring something entirely unexpected, be employed by the end of the month or, at latest, the beginning of September; but the job I will have then is not ideal in a number of respects, ranging from its substance to the fact that it is part-time and not well paying on an hourly basis. Furthermore, it is only an eight-month position. No other prospects – or at least, no tolerable ones – have presented themselves. I must therefore consider options outside of immediate em­ployment. I have on several occasions considered going back to school, but for some reason – actually, for different reasons – I have always refrained. Something or other just was not right. And when I ask myself, “what do I want to do with my life?” here are some of the answers that I come up with:

• be outside a lot of the time
• work with my hands as well as my mind
• as a writer, do something that’s worth writing about!
• be, as much as possible, “my own boss”
• get out of the urban/suburban sprawl to a rural area
• work with animals, plants, hand tools, and simple machines
• be self-supporting as much as possible, especially as regards food
• own enough land to enjoy privacy, and coexist with nature as friends
• do something in which I can, as much as possible, work out of my home
• be able to end the day with the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing tangible tasks successfully
• help to re-weave the connections between humankind, non-human nature, and the world of Spirit
• do something I can hand down to future generations, if I am fortunate enough to have offspring
• live lightly on the Earth
• teach others

When I look at all of those together, “small, diversified family farm” is what seems almost inevitably to coalesce out of the matrix. While there are other possible careers or even vocations that could accomplish several of these ends, that seems to me to be the only one that hits them all. The problem is that I don’t really have the kind of practical, hands-on experience, backed by theoretical learning, which it would take to really make a go of such a small farm. I have been at Spoutwood for five years, but I have basically functioned all that time in a support role: I have not been the one in charge of planning and executing the field plan… and in any case, Spoutwood is strictly vegetables, whereas I want to include livestock in the mix, along with draft horses (or possibly oxen) for at least some of the motive power.

The problem is that there are very few place which offer the kind of training I’m looking for. But there are a few, and of these, by the far the best – that I’ve been able to locate, anyway – is Sterling College, in Craftsbury Common, Vermont. I visited Sterling College all the way back in 2002. At the time I was looking mostly at their Northern Studies program, but I also had the chance to check out their Sustainable Agriculture offerings. I was impressed then, and I continue to be impressed, although of course I haven’t visited recently. Based on the website, though, it looks like they remain head-and-shoulders about the rest.

And of course, this is Vermont! Much as I love Maryland, and I love my home state a great deal indeed, Vermont is one of the places that I have seemed strangely drawn to for years. For whatever reason, I have loved Northern New England since I was a child – perhaps because some of my favorite books were set in that region – and that love has not lessened a bit over the last forty-three years. I know it’s cold and snowy in the winter­time, and buggy in the spring, but it’s so beautiful! And it’s also relatively sparsely populated, at least compared to the rest of the Atlantic seaboard. It gets dark at night, there, outside of the cities, and those are comparatively few and far between; the forests are my beloved balsam fir and paper birch, and there are moose and loons, and even rumors of wolves making their way back into the area, coming down from Canada. The very air there is redolent with evergreen resin!

And Sterling doesn’t just teach the principles of organic vegetable growing, or livestock management (what used to be called husbandry), although they do teach both things; they also teach the important subsidiary aspects: everything from small business economics (essential in making one’s small farm profitable) to the use of both tractors and draft horses – I’m especially interested in the latter – on the farm and in the woodlot, as well as the use of hand and power tools, including chainsaws… basically everything you need to know to make your farm and woodlot productive and self-sufficient. That is something that I have not seen anywhere else, and it is why I am seriously considering undertaking the Sterling program.

And now, of course, I have found out that Sterling offers a one-year, non-degree program in Sustainable Agriculture which looks as if it could have been crafted precisely to suit my needs! There are many practical considerations to be dealt with: do I rent out my existing place for a year, or sell it? Do I look to purchase a place up there, or rent one? And either way, do I look for a small farm now, that I might be able to stay on after the program is over, or just rent a small house to live in while the program’s going on? What do I do about all the stuff that’s sitting in my storage unit, especially if my relocation to Vermont proves to be only temporary?

Of course, now that I am in what seems to be a solid, if still currently long-distance, relationship, my “significant other” will have something to say about these issues, I am sure. But they are ones that need to be dealt with, well in advance of moving up there. Nothing is ever simple! But I do feel strongly as if this is what I should do, need to do, am being called to do – call it Providence, Fate, Destiny, or whatever word/concept you prefer, I do not think it was any accident that I learned about this unique opportunity now, at what may be the one time in my life when I am actually free to take advantage of it. It will be very interesting to see how all the details shake themselves out!

Updating on this blog, and life in general

Previous visitors will note some changes to the focus, and even the name, of this blog. As I have written in the introductory blurb, the name “Albion's Meade” combines the ancient bardic name for England with a play on words: “meade” can be both a green meadow and the intoxicating brew Celts and Vikings alike considered the font of inspiration. It is also the working name of the small, diversified family farm I hope one day to own and operate: “Albion’s Meade Farm.” Much varied commentary may still be found herein, but a major focus will be my journey toward becoming, at last, a “yeoman farmer” in the Jeffersonian tradition.

Why this change? One reason is that I am currently out of work: Spoutwood Farm, where I have been employed in one capacity or the other for the last five years, is a non-profit educational organization, and the “non-profit” part became all too literal this year. With income failing to meet expenses, they were forced to cut my position, and therefore, me as well. This has led me to do a great deal of thinking and soul-searching, regarding my future, as well of course as more pragmatic job-searching.

Nothing is certain at this point, but the most likely outcome I can foresee is that I return to school, either in the Spring, Summer, or Fall of 2010; the program I am most strongly leaning toward is Sterling College's program in Sustainable Agriculture, after which I would start my own small farm (hopefully with the assistance of my “significant other”), most likely either in New England or Pennsylvania (Maryland, much as I love the state, is just too expensive). Although the Sterling program is undergraduate, I have found no graduate program which compares to the kind of practical, pragmatic, hands-on training provided there; with my existing academic background, I am hopeful of being able to complete the program in two years, same as for a masters. I am making inquiry, however, into the prospects of teaching at Sterling: combined with a small farm nearby, that would be by far the best of both worlds!

So, I am hoping to turn the challenge of losing my job into the opportunity of starting a newer and better life, one which is more integrated, fulfilling, and close to Nature. And as a writer, I am reminded of something I read some years ago – perhaps the best piece of advice ever given to a writer, especially an outdoor writer: “Live the kind of life that’s worth writing about!” That is something I have not really been doing recently. So, all things considered, I am optimistic about my future. With a little luck and a lot of hard work, I hope to be able to turn the challenge of unemployment into the blessing of satisfying, worthwhile work in harmony with Nature.

May it be so!

Hanging out my shingle

Well, it's taken a lot of time (more than ten years), and it's taken a lot of thought and prayer, but I finally did it: I applied for and received clergy credentials through the Universal Life Church. I am now officially, if humbly, The Rev'd Thomas H. Harbold.

Because the ULC confers ordination on anyone who is willing to accept and abide by two simple tenets -- "to promote freedom of religion," and "to do what is right" -- I know a lot of people become ULC ministers as a joke, or as an ego boost. In my case, it is neither.

For a very long time, since 1983 in fact, I have been torn (and I don't use that word lightly) between two spiritual traditions: Christianity on the one hand, particularly (since '89) in its classical Anglican expression, and some form of Earth-based spirituality (Paganism) on the other. At times the pendulum has swung more toward one or the other, but never have I felt entirely comfortable in either: mainly because both tend to be the homes of people who have very negative opinions of the other (with the exception of some Christians, mainly Episcopalians, who have become so "liberal" that they've all but lost touch with historic Christianity entirely).

My view is rather different: I believe that both paths contain good teachings and essential (if often metaphorical) truths that are lost if their essence is too-far diluted; that each is entitled to the integrity of its own traditions, and that people of good will can be found in large numbers in both spiritual paths. So it pains me that so many Christians talk negatively about "those Pagans" and so many Pagans about "those Christians" without, in many cases, truly understanding what it is they're talking about... or else speaking out of personal pain which I honor and with which I empathize, but which I contend is not sufficient grounds for painting whole groups of people with an excessively broad brush.

Add to this my long sense of call -- of vocation -- to some form of spiritual ministry, dating to at least since 1989. This is a vocation which has been affirmed by many people over the years, although interestingly not by organized religious bodies. I have done baptisms for friends, and I have been asked to do marriages (which requests I have had to turn down, of course, up until now), and I have provided various levels of spiritual counsel to various people, mostly friends, over the years. But there has been a limit to what I could do, not being ordained, and as I say, formal religious bodies have been less willing to affirm my vocation than have friends and even casual acquaintances.

The Commission on Ordained Ministry for the Episcopal Diocese of Maryland, for instance, rejected my application for postulancy in 1997 on the grounds that I was "too scholarly" for parish priesthood. A couple of years later, one of my sixth-graders at the Carroll County Outdoor School, a very perceptive little girl, informed me solemnly that "you should be a priest." Out of the mouths of babes and children...! And that's only one of a number of similar incidents.

So I have found myself in a situation where typical sources of access to ordination have either been closed to me, or are rendered uncomfortable because I am too much of a pan(en)theist and animist to be acceptable to most Christian seminaries, and too willing to see the good in Christianity to be entirely comfortably in an exclusively Pagan context. Besides, most Churches, whether Pagan or Christian, want me to start over more-or-less from scratch, and I quite frankly have neither the time, nor the energy, nor the desire, to do that.

My academic credentials, not meaning to sound immodest, are at least the equal of most clergy in most traditions: B.A., medieval studies, Western Maryland College, 1991; Master of Theological Studies, concentrating in Ecological Theology and History of Christianity, Vanderbilt Divinity School, 1995 (then the second-ranked divinity school in the U.S., academically); Certificate in Park Management, with a concentration in Environmental Education, Frederick Community College, 2001; and several courses in education at both WMC (now "McDaniel") and Carroll Community College.

In terms of practical ministerial experience, I spent just over seven years as a Licensed Lay Preacher and Licensed Lay Reader, preaching in a regular rotation at my (Episcopal) parish church, leading the Daily Office of Morning Prayer, and officiating in services at a local assisted-living community; more than nine years as Lector, Chalicist, and Licensed Eucharistic Minister; I've taught adult and youth Christian Education, as well as Confirmation classes; and have been a Subdeacon and Postulant for Holy Orders (just one step below Candidate) at a Continuing (traditional) Anglican Church as well.

Since 1983, when I first discovered the Pagan or Neopagan tradition through Starhawk's The Spiral Dance, I have engaged in a mostly solo, eclectic, practice; but I have been affiliated at different times with two different Wiccan Circles, the Temple of the Silver Crescent in Laurel, MD, and Oak, Ash, and Thorn in Nashville, TN, and have also been affiliated with two different Druidic Orders: Cedarlight Grove, ADF (Ar nDraiocht Fein), of Grove which I was at one point elected Chief Liturgist, and the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids, a British Druidic Order whose study program I am currently undertaking (I am presently in the Bardic Grade).

Does all of this make me worthy or qualified to undertake the practice of ordained ministry? Well, certainly not worthy. I don't think anyone is truly worth to interpret Deity to the people, or lay the people's cares and concerns before the Divine. And anyone who thinks he or she is, is almost certainly not! But that's where humility and trust come in. Qualified? *waggles hands in a yea-nay gesture* Not in every respect, certainly. In particular, I haven't had the training in pastoral care that I might ideally like to have, although I have had perhaps all too much experience in dealing with issues of grief and loss. But as the saying goes in the Christian tradition, God "does not call the equipped, he equips the called."

I hope and trust that will prove true, because I do believe that I have been for many years and remain called to a somewhat more "formal" or "official" practice of ministry than has been possible to date. Exactly what form that may take, remains to be seen! But the ULC credential gives me the freedom to cross not only denominational boundaries but also the lines of faiths and traditions: to be a truly interfaith minister. Particularly in the context of my work with Spoutwood -- an interfaith community if there ever was one! -- I find that not only liberating, but essential.

So, we shall see what we shall see. And in any case, as I say, my shingle is out... the one reading

The Rev'd Thomas H. Harbold
Interfaith Minister

In service to both the human community and that mysterium tremendum et fascinans * which both permeates and transcends our physical/sensory reality,

Tom


* "awesome and fascinating mystery," in the words of theolgian Rudolf Otto, in seeking to describe the Indescribable... that indwelling yet transcendent Divinity which has been called Great Mystery or Great Spirit, and by many other names, by many cultures throughout time and across the globe.

P.S. My ULC ordination grants me the ability to perform marriage, within the laws and regulations of the state, and to perform "funerals, baptisms, last rites or any other sort of legal ceremony or ritual you wish to perform, except circumcision." I had no desire to perform the last, anyway! Out of my deep respect for the Christian eucharist, and its close connection with the apostolic succession of ministry, I choose not to perform any service which might be construed as Christian communion, unless or until I am ordained within a valid line of succession.